Editor’s Note: The following contains spoilers from Season 4 Episode 1 of Succession.Everyone onSuccessionis a professional hater— and the vast majority of them are filthyrichprofessional haters — so it makes sense that Bridget (still unsure about her last name, though I’m pretty confident it’s not ‘Randomfuck’ as Kerry suggested), Cousin Greg’s (Nicholas Braun) date, was the laughingstock of Logan Roy’s (Brian Cox) birthday party. Bridget (Francesa Root-Dodson) couldn’t stop making faux pas, from bringing a Mary Poppins-esque purse to using the wrong towels in the bathroom — and that’s not even getting into the whole accidental steamy tape of it all. I, however, am not only a Bridget lover but also the president of the Bridget defense squad. I really think she was doing her best. Now, was her best good enough? Of course not! Nothing anything anyone ever doesison this show. But her social blunders, in addition to being forgivable and relatable, are extremely logical as well.
Bridget’s Purse is the Perfect Size, Actually
First, let’s talk about her purse. Tom (Matthew Macfadyen) deems it “ludicrously capacious,” but I have to agree with Greg — it’s a normal sort of handbag. Okay, normal may not be the right word —the Burberry satchel costs nearly $3,000— but it’s only 14.5 by 12 inches, which is far from monstrous or gargantuan. In fact, a mid-sized Birkin bag, often considered the holy grail of luxury purses, is around 13.8 by 10 inches, which isn’tthatmuch smaller. Honestly, I think she’d be smart to bring an even bigger purse for everything you’d need to survive an event like that.
Despite his children not being in attendance, there’s a fairly large crowd at Logan’s birthday party: You’d need to make sure to keep the hygiene up. You’d want deodorant because you’d no doubt be aggressively perspiring around all of those terrifying people and a breath mint for when you get close enough to Logan to ask him for a selfie — as well as somewhere to store your phone totakesaid selfie. You’d need Kleenexes because there’s not a small chance Logan would make you cry after asking him for the picture. And if you cry, you’re going to have to touch up your makeup. And depending on your routine, that can consist of a lot of products. There’s a domino effect that reads like a scary, rich-people party version ofIf You Give a Mouse a Cookie.If You Give a Normie an Invite, if you will.
Speaking of cookies, let’s discuss the food situation. Fine dining is known for its teeny tiny portions as it is, and this party, in particular, seems to be an hors d’oeuvre situation only, evident by Tom pointing out that Bridget is “wolfing all the canapés like a famished warthog.” In practically the same breath, Tom mockingly asks if Bridget is hiding a lunch pail in her purse. For all the money these people have, they are stingy when it comes to feeding people. If I were Bridget, I would be stowing some snacks in there. Caviar crackers or pâté on bite-sized bread does not a meal make. You need real, proper sustenance — especially if you’re going to enjoy the open bar — and you’d be hard-pressed to find it catered. It would be genius for Bridget to take matters into her own hands and slide a Tupperware container of food or two from home into her bag. And you know what? She should stuff some napkins in there, too, because who can tell the difference between a towel you’re supposed to use versus a display-only one? Especially when both are likely made of Egyptian cotton or mulberry silk or just $100 bills sewn together? Certainly not Bridget. And I would presume not many of us peasants. Bridget is a relatable and prepared queen.
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Bridget’s Social Media Savvy Could Save Connor $100 Million
Bridget’s instincts, as tragically as they failed, make a lot of sense if you think about them. She gets mercilessly mocked for engaging in behaviors such as asking people personal questions and, of course, the aforementioned inquiring Logan for a selfie after congratulating him on his big deal (ka-ching, am I right?). Some of these things are just good manners — it’s polite to ask someone about themselves and pay them a compliment — but they’re actually, on the surface at least, strategic, too. These people are narcissists — they love talking about themselves and their accomplishments. You obviously don’t want to come off like a try-hard, but giving people this self-centered the chance to brag? It’s far from the dumbest technique she could have come in with.
There was also so much hoopla about Bridget posting on social media when really, her Insta stories could serve as a valuable tool, especially to Connor (Alan Ruck) and his presidential run. (He has been interested in politics from a very young age, if you didn’t know.) Instead of spending 100 million more dollars or having a jetpack wedding, why not simply let Bridget help him get some organic traffic through her personal accounts? Bridget could be the key to helping him keep his 1% and stay in the conversation one TikTok at a time.
We Are All Bridget
Sadly, I can’t imagine we’ll be seeing a lot more of “firecracker, crunchy peanut butter” Bridget after Greg gallantly let her take the blame for their rendezvous and get kicked out of the function, and that’s a shame.Tom’s handbag roast is an all-time great, and there hasn’t been a fashion monologue as passionate or iconic since Miranda Priestly spoke of cerulean belts inThe Devil Wears Prada. And though Bridget may have been the butt of the joke, she made for an accessible gateway into high society. I know we all like to think of ourselves as Shivs and Romans, but let’s be honest: Most of us are Bridget.
Billionaires have a different set of rules, live by a different, unspoken sort of code, and if you’re not born into it — if you don’t have the luxury of being a Roy nepotism baby — they’re nearly impossible to understand.Ariana DeBoseonce famously deemedJamie Lee Curtisas “all of us,”but I think that honor belongs to Bridget. I suspect she’s probably not here for a long time, but I sure hope she at least had a good time. At least we’ll always have the memories documented on social media — much to everyone’s dismay.
New episodes ofSuccessionSeason 4 premiere every Sunday on HBO and HBO Max.
